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Monday, November 14, 2005

trader joe's should perish

I hate trader joe's. I hate the people who shop there. I hate the people who work there. The people at Ralph's or Von's are so gentle and sweet. You get to trader joe's and everyone is smug, pushy and entitled to be in front of you and stop in the middle of the aisle and talk on their phones to aks their spouse about which $1.48 bottle of wine they want.

I used to live in laurel canyon and the people there had this bucolic peaceful exterior, but they were all pig shitheads who were in a rush to get home and align their chakras and didn't care who the fuck the ran off the road to accomplish that. trader joes is laurel canyon in a store.

plus, you can't read the price labels because the dredlocked/tatooed/ponytailed/vegan assholes who work there write them in different colored inks and put them in counterintuitive places.

yes, i hate trader joe's. slightly less than erewhon. erewhon should be invaded by gangs with blowtorches.

oh... and those fucking clever brands. the mexican food is "trader jose's". hahaha hooo, oh man, they're funny. if they were really funny, the oriental food would be called "tlader joe".

the only good thing about trader joe's (other than driving by and not going inside) is that their workers aren't unionized but have better benefits and crap than union stores. but you still can't convince anyone who works there that unions are worthless.

i would only go to trader joe's to buy stuff for billy the mime. which is what i did tonight.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A-fuckin-men brother. I hate Trader Joe's because they're so full of shit. They pretend to be some sort of gourmet/health food store but they're just another dump selling shitty food repackaged to look gourmet. And they have a lousy selection to boot. I went there to buy potato chips and all they had were "Hawaiian blue" chips and organic free range wheat-gluten-free soy flaxseed chips for $6 a bag. WTF? potatoes are cheap, grease is cheap, could I just get a big bag of cheap standard issue potato chips for chrissakes???? Whatever you do, don't buy that shit they try to pass off as sushi - it's all vaguely sweet (like it has sugar in it for some reason). I could make better "sushi" with my asshole. I tried to buy some cocktail olives too to make a martini but all they had was more fake-assed gourmet shit - when I looked at the label the red stuff inside the olives wasn't even real pimento. And how about cat litter, cleanser, bleach, toilet paper and a million other things that normal people want to buy at a supermarket? - sorry you're shit out of luck, I guess Joe doesn't wipe his ass.

2:53 PM  

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