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Thursday, May 06, 2010

BPA Scare Campaign Exposed - How to Profit from Non-Profits | Truth or Scare

Friday, April 04, 2008

oprah and fiends

I often do this thing called "testing the bruise".

I think about something that hurts to see how much it hurts. 

When I was dragging through the mud of a really rotten breakup, I would think about her in many combinations of other guys, etc. That's when I came up with testing the bruise.

So, to test the bruise in my tolerance of bullshit, I listen to Oprah and Friends aka Oprah and Fiends on XM Radio. One is treated to a stream of diarrhea-like bullshit nearly 24 hours a day. A course in miracles, some asshole making people feel bad because their closets aren't organized and the big O herself with a cock named Eckhard Tolle. 

Apparently, he's written some life-changing book and they're doing a ten week series consisting of Oprah and Adolph Tolle going through all the chapters of his book.

What it really is, mainly, is two stoners sitting around reading Richard Bach and doing bong hits. (I have first hand information about what this is like, by the way). The Tolle guy will spout some aphorism and she'll "translate". 

Remember the scene in Animal House?
"... you mean there could be an entire universe inside my thumbnail?" 
That's basically what the hour consists of. 

Today, on "testing the bruise", they talked about being present and in the now and how if you were present or in the now, the future and the past became unimportant. And then, Oprah and Adolph immediately began talking about the past, how not being present in the past was bad, and the future... how they could use this principle to handle situations in the future. This coming on the heels of living in a way that you wouldn't know what the future held. "The next time you're at a family gathering and your sister begins giving you a hard time..." that sort of thing...

It completely killed my robot.

One of the things that assholes do is create their own language and this asshole is no different. He talks about the "Pain Body" and then... fuck, I don't fucking know... some bullshit.

You know, I'm all for self examination... I AM BLOGGING, FOR FUCKS SAKE, RIGHT? So I don't mind being self-indulgent. OBVIOUSLY. But... I'm not as big of an asshole as that asshole.

A woman called to basically aks permission to mourn the death of her father six years ago. Asshole Tolle said something like "you sound like you're dealing with it in a healthy way..." and I knew he was a dick. 

Back to the matter at hand... making up bullshit.

Assholes do this thing. They put words together in interesting ways and it's mistaken for being enlightening. All they're doing is poetry... using the language in an interesting way. But if you're bored with your life or stoned or trying to sell books, it's spiritual.

So, at dinner tonight, with the help of the bride, I wrote the following things for you fine people to think about to get your miserable lives back on track. Okay? You can paypal the money to dean at mightycheese dotcom, okay?

Here we go, my flock:
Choose the colors of your silences.

Remove the objects you've attached to your fears.

True happiness lies in the distance between breaths.

Knowledge isn't the vocation of happiness, it's the location of happiness.

Wisdom doesn't lie in the faith of knowledge. Wisdom lies in the knowledge of faith.

We become more human when we discover the value of change.

You are capable of outstanding if you are capable of understanding.

The value of change is priceless and yet change is free.

Removing "all" from challenge leaves you with "change". The extra e is for extra pee.
(that's for those who remember channel j)

To lead an exceptional life, we must follow an exceptional path.

To lead an exceptional life, we must follow an exceptional leader.
To lead an exceptional life, we must lead with no exception. 

Life is about the grace of the approach and the approach of grace.

Your eyes will only deceive if your eyes are unable to receive.

Learning lies in the choices you make with your time and what time makes of your choices.

When we are passionate about our grace, we will gracefully discover our passion.

Expect the appearance of miracles where you accept the appearance of miracles.
I feel dirty.

It's so easy and the fucked thing is that when I look at some of them, I think "hey, that's pretty good..."

I forgot this..

I sorta made fun of this in a movie a long time ago: "It's not how far you go, it's how go you far." AHEAD OF MY FUCKING TIME!!! I'M LIVING IN THE PAST!!! HOW IS THAT GOING TO AFFECT MY FUTURE!!!! SAVE ME, OPRAH!!!!

I'll send you Kool-Aid for 10 bucks. dean at mightycheese dot com

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

the end

or the beginning...

Monday, March 17, 2008

so very cool

You've probably seen this:

The Atheist Apocalypse

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Friday, March 14, 2008

me and matt damon

Me and my good friend, A mister Matthew J. Damon:



The first few times I saw this billboard, I would do a doubletake, literally, because I thought the O was an anus. I'm wondering if it's some very clever ad... You know...the character in the "O" (i'm guessing a guy in a fat-suit doing a modern day minstrel act) is an asshole or something.

Maybe not. Like I always say, I'm an optimist when it comes to others.

But really, if you drive by a poster or a billboard with this ad, I defy you to not think it looks like a tater-hole.

Or is it just the 15 year old nitwit inside of me?

Thursday, March 06, 2008

make money on the internet, aks me how!

Hippies will tell you that the big bad evil drug companies aka 'big pharma' will lie and cheat and use deceptive practices to sell you their evil drugs but don't understand that the natural medicines aka poppycock aka homeopathy use the most deceptive tactic which is 'you will probably get better if it's not serious'.

So, when you ingest their magical water, you get better. And, since it's magical water, you don't feel anything like you do with NyQuil which doesn't make you better, it just makes you wasted so you don't care how crappy you feel. Since you don't feel anything you call it 'non-invasive'. The truth is, it's so non-invasive that there's no invasion. There's not even an army. I just extended that too far. Sorry.

Where was I? I'm talking about Airborne, one of the most recent bits of poppycock to hit the stands.

They just got spanked after being investigated for their claim that it cured colds or if you took it when you feel a cold coming on, you'd feel better within 3 days.

I'll get to the cool part in a second, but let's look at the claim, first.

If you feel a cold coming on... a mild cold, you're going to feel differently in three days. You may feel worse, but if it's a mild cold, you'll feel better. Either way, the poppycock is counting on you not remembering the miss; the feeling worse part, but you will most definitely remember feeling better if you've taken something. It's called a confirmation bias which means you will remember the stuff that confirms your beliefs. You'd also probably allow a couple days. If you felt better after 4 days, you'd give Airborne the credit.

Airborne's claim isn't that amazing.

If you began to feel sick, came over to my home and I put on a heavy pair of boots with some dull spikes on the top, hauled back and kicked you in the crotch as hard as humanly (not to be confused with humanely) possible, your cold would be gone within a week. Your cold symptoms would begin clearing up within a few days.

Yes, your teeth would still be chattering from the pain and you'd label my brand of medicine as ultra-invasive, but your wussified little cold wouldn't seem so bad and it would be clearing up, too.

I've digressed. And how.

Airborne is currently shelling out over 23 MILLION BUCKS because their claims are misleading. They're still going to be able to sell their magic nothing but the word COLD is going to be conspicuously absent from the package.

The ballsiest thing they did was say that they did a double blind, placebo controlled study but the company who did the study was a two person organization formed to do the study. The study was on the two guys who did the study. ABC News says "There was no clinic, no scientist and no doctors."

That, my friends, is award winning ballsiness!

What is maddening is that if Pfizer had done this sort of thing, hippies would be losing their minds, storming the offices of the FDA (who I'm not a fan of, make no mistake) while screaming "YOU KILL CHILDREN! YOU WANT CHILDREN TO DIE!!! YOU HATE CHILDREN! YOU ARE A NAZI PEDOPHILE WHO HATES CHILDREN!!!" or some other statement.

I skimmed over the messages on ABC until I felt my brain turning to mush and apparently, the presence of 'Big Pharma' is, by its very nature deceptive and evil, but when a tiny independent company like Airborne actually do something deceptive, it's okay.

Sure, Airborne brings in 200 million bucks a year, but that's nothing compared to 'Big Pharma'.

Well, here's my 'two wrongs make a right solution':

Airborne has been ordered to refund 23 million dollars. If you don't have a receipt, you can still claim up to 6 boxes @ 10.50 each.

I am. Maybe you'll lie and cheat with me. I'm embarassed and ashamed but I think an extra 70 bucks will be nice. Actually, I have a couple of addresses, so it's probably going to be more like 140 bucks. I think the IIG or randi.org might be getting some cash.

It just depends on how long I GET MY SETTLEMENT!!!! I WANT MY SETTLEMENT!!!


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

phone cleaning

Victor backstage in tucson after i told him about gary coleman's excellent audition.