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Monday, January 14, 2008

FUCK JEWTOPIA IN THE NECK

Jewtopia,

Wow!

Getting a show produced is near impossible. You did it.
Running sold-out in L.A. is an extraordinary feat. You did it.
Getting produced off-broadway is unheard of. You did that.
Setting a record like "Longest running off-broadway show" is, well, record setting. You did it.
Franchising a show; having several productions running simultaneously around the U.S. is a goal many have and few attain. You have, several times.
Some people spend their entire lives trying to get a book deal. You've done that.
Having your play produced as a feature film *and* being able to play the parts you wrote for yourself could be said to be impossible, but you were able to do that.

It's great that all of these things have happened for you. If my show, The Nigerian Spam Scam Scam, achieved just one of those, I would consider it an enormous suck-cess.

I'm nearly honored that we are represented (for now) by the same booking agency.

But...

By not showing up at the bookers conference because it "wasn't worth your time" and having the agency show a crappy DVD you cleared the room. Literally.

When the evening began, the room had a dozen or so venue reps. Your DVD, shot on a consumer grade camera consisting of you talking about how suck-cessful your obvious and pandering piece of shit is, had the reps heading for the aisles.

Three reps from one theater toughed it out and stayed to see SpamScam.

Jewtopia, you don't know me. I don't know you. You don't care about me or my stupid little piece of shit show. It's obvious that you don't give a fuck about anything besides you and your collection of crappy skits, but if there is some way for me to make your life worse, I most certainly will.

I'm not going to dwell on it. I won't pursue it. I'm not going to give you another thought after I press "publish post"... but if somewhere, somehow, the opportunity to fuck you over so you miss out on a years worth of shows presents itself, I will. I will fuck your fucking piece of rotten and obvious shit show up.

Strap in.


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