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Thursday, August 31, 2006

football - with flags

the nfl flag football spot is being aired. that is good.

i'm having the confidence crisis we all knew was coming regarding love tapes.

don't be a fucking actor.

Monday, August 28, 2006

maul of america

when i was a stupid young hippie actor, i thought that the term "the mauling of america" was so fucking clever. get it? the united states is being turned into one big fucking mall. everything's the same; we're doomed to homogeny.

what we overlook when we say shit like "it's sad when people in small towns have the same stores we have in big cities" is how condescending (that means "talk down to") and classist that is.

when i was a kid (listen up, you little ones!) in oklahoma, there was stuff they had in california that we couldn't get. food, clothes, stuff like that. the stuff they had in santa barbara was better. that's it. it was just better stuff. and we didn't have it. and it was only 1400 miles away. i'd visit my dad in santa barbara in the summers and they had cooler shit. better record stores. better supermarkets. better movie theaters. norman had a good barbecue place. okay. neat.

but the hippies think that little towns are "charming" with their one shitty restaurant and "local" fruits and vegetables. and it is charming when you're driving through the little town; it's not charming when you're living there. it sucks. it sucks so bad you can't believe it. and since the people who live there aren't rich, middle class hippies like you and me, they can't just move to where the cool stuff is.

and yes, they can co-exist. if the place is good and serves yummy food, it will survive.

oh boy did i just go off on a libertarian rant? odd.

so, while in minnesota, one must visit the mall of america. the largest mall in the world. and it is fucking large. there are three rollercoasters in the middle of it. rollercoasters. plus a bunch of other rides.

jessie bet me $5 that they had at least 5 starbucks. sadly, there were only two. ah well. i win five bucks!

the place is insanely large. i mean, you know, it's the largest mall in the world. there are three floors of mall stores in an oval around the middle "theme park" area. the theme being "puke up that hot dog on a stick, churro and pretzel", i suppose.

i guess they had every mall store you could have because there were a couple of Gaps. So what that means to me is that they had to start from 1 again. every franchise ever created was represented, but they had even more space so they called the Gap and said "we've got another 3000 square feet... you want 'em?"

it's divided in to north, south, east and west. if you are a mall walker (i saw at least one!), you should be in great shape. it has to be at least a quarter mile around. maybe more. dunno. it's amazing.

we only made the first floor. that's how big it is.

we will be going back.

there is a light rail train that runs from downtown minneapolis to the mall of america. it only takes about 30-45 minutes. pretty fucking cool, people.

so that's what we did on our day off. i made it back in time to catch 45 minutes of kickboxing.

penn gets in tomorrow and we're going to the mini-soda state fair. it's the largest fair in the country, i think. maybe i'm wrong. but i think it is.

then, wednesday, he watches me mangle his play.

jessie gave me a great note the other day that i'd forgotten about: carl doesn't hate himself as much as i hate myself. it changed everything. i'd totally forgotten that part. carl is a happy guy.

speaking of isolated and lonely. i feel isolated and lonely here. and that's with my wife here. wait until she leaves.


i realized that today is the final day of the fringe in edinburgh. man. maybe it's just august. wherever i am at the end of august i get bummed out. summer is ending, after all, and that's my favorite time of the year.


well. at least the play is in good shape. really good. jen is killing. the re-write on scene six has made it much easier to navigate. it's still a difficult scene, but difficult in the good way.


the mall of america sure is a neat place.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

hey, it's me!!!


Blogger: Term used to describe anyone with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives. Possibly the most annoying thing about bloggers is the sense of self-importance they get after even the most modest of publicity. Sometimes it takes as little as a referral on a more popular blogger's website to set the lesser blogger's ego into orbit.

Then God forbid a blogger gets mentioned on CNN. If you thought it was impossible for a certain blogger to get more pious than he was, wait until you see the shit storm of self-righteous save-the-world bullshit after a network plug. Suddenly the boring, mild-mannered blogger you once knew will turn into Mother Theresa, and will single handedly take it upon himself to end world hunger with his stupid links to band websites and other smug blogger dipshits.

also familiar


powered through my second monologue scene. the scene with my dangling hog.

i may have mentioned this before:

in a fit of self centeredness, i googled myself for appearances in blogs. someone had seen love tapes and, in a description of my nakedosity, said something snarky like: i saw love tapes. dean cameron was naked. dean cameron had a small part in love tapes.

it's brutal out there.

no fluffing before the scene will help as so much time passes between the scene change and the actually hog presentation. ah well.

but. it went quite well. i managed to power through the stuff i didn't know and it's a bit easier scene. there aren't quite as many levels to hit as the first one. also there is some really nice writing in the first scene (there's nice writing in the whole damned thing) that i've not committed to memory so well yet. i can fake my way through lots of the second scene dialogue.

we're going to go see tailgate nights. we call it tailgate nights because that's what jessie thought it was called from one of her brief glances at the billboard. so. tailgate nights.

i slept forever again. i'd forgotten. i'd just forgotten about the toll this shoe takes.

oh. we went to "awesome 80's prom" last night. it's playing at the hennepin stages and is closing this weekend. it's tony & tina's wedding, except it's you know... an 80's prom.

it's been playing awhile and people come to the show dressed up and they come to party. so it was more like awesome 80's drunken riot. i couldn't deal with the noise and the chaos so we went to play air hockey at game works.

apparently it got worse. some horrible person puked in not one, but two cups at her table. yes, "her" table. a woman. got so fucking drunk that she puked in cups. couldn't find the courtesy to get up and go puke in the bathroom like any normal loser, nope... had to puke in cups. at her table.


ah, animal house.

glad we left. the director of that shoe is supposed to be there tonight. wonder what's gonna happen?

i have my "no che guevara" shirt. been wearing it and i've had two people aks me "what have you got against che guevara?" today.

what's wrong with che guevara? is a fine thing to google, you clueless little wussies.

Off to tailgate nights!

Friday, August 25, 2006


i'd forgotten how exhausting this show is. man, i just forgot. it's good. it's a "good hurt"; a fine problem to have, but it sure is tiring and there's lots of work to do.

just the physical part of being alone on stage for about an hour and talking is demanding. then there's keeping all the lines straight. and finally, if i get all that basic stuff straight, i can start to think about things like arc, objectives, character and crap like that. right now, it's the physical stuff.

jen is great. she totally gets it. with the help of the re-write and some perspective on the infamous "scene six", it's much smoother sailing. both characters are wanting the same thing but going about it differently and that's the conflict and that's the tough part. now the exhaustion comes from fulfilling the objective of the scene and not from both of us trying to figure the scene out *and* performing it... but manohman, it's an exhausting scene. that rehassle was 3 hours? i think, and i got a solid 10 hours of sleep in today. working with jen is really nice. it's fun.

then, the anticipation of working on my two monologues. well, kids, it's an exhausting fucking show. that's what i have to say about that. my voice, my back, my feet, my knees. bleh. then we get in to the self-loathing, the doubt, the fear, the am i too old to play this part crap... after all it was written almost six years ago; written for a guy in his mid-late 30's. a couple of months and i'm mid 40's.

holy balls!


had scene 4 rehassle today. 4 hours. wiped me out. i "bonked" at the end. i just stopped. couldn't remember anything. you could've taken all my money... i would've agreed to anything. nutty.

so. that's the acting fun that i'm going through until we open.

i feel like once i get a little more control over the physical bullshit, basically, the lines, then i can start to have some fun. i know where the lines go... the idea of each scene, but i'm trying to not just do a repeat of the performance last year and find some new stuff, so... blah blah blah...

tomorrow is scene 5 rehassle. the hog is exposed. hoo ha.

i'm now going to take my script and wander aimlessly around downtown for an hour talking to myself.

oh. windwood theatricals are officially representing the nigerian spam scam scam for bookings, tours, etc. pretty damned cool. they have some good stuff and have been in the biz of booking stuff like mine for a long time so i'm in good hands. i'm excited. they're excited. victor's excited. aaron's excited. it's good. if we get 2-3 months on the road, we make serious coin. more than that and we totally rule.

so, thank you brick theater $ellout festival for that.

my wife, by the way, is a genius. she's a good director. hire her. keep me in the manner i'm accustomed to.

now i walk and mutter.

rock on.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


in mini-soda. it's a lovely city. we're in a studio apartment with a murphy bed. it is insanely small. barely enough room for me, but that's life in art.

i realized that i can't blog too specifically about my experience doing the big shoe here as i'm married to the director and, well, it's a blog so guilty parties can always gander at this. so that's why my posts are so self centered; i can't write about others. as much as i may hate someone, i don't know if that should be public knowledge. the public being, of course, you 4 people.

ah well.

so, it's really great here in minneapolis so far. i think you could just add "so far" to all sentences as we all know that it can change at the drop of a crucifix.

we don't have our own internet in the apt, but there is a weak signal from someone who hasn't closed their network and here's hoping they never do. but, it's an unreliable signal good for checking email and that's about it.

around the corner is a Panera bread shop and they have free wifi. so it seems like this is where i will be doing skilljam stuff. it's not open at night and that is a big drag but it will keep me off the internets and on topic (the shoe, life, etc.) and that's probably good.

there's a ymca literally next door to us. it's huge and great with a pool and all sorts of stuff and a great kickboxing class which killed me yesterday. so i think i can slim down a bit more before we open. i have three weeks. i'd like to lose at least another 5. 10 would be best. i'm shooting for that by the time i get back to l.a.

i haven't been on location since ski stool II - electric boogaloo. and that's what this seems like, minus the, well, you know... but, being able to focus on the matter at hand and not having to worry about the minutae of daily life. that spoiled child thing. the thing i hate but love.

the thing i hate about it is that it goes away. if i could live in that cocoon of spoiled, it would be so nice. much of the difficulty i had after "the great career crash of '95" was coming out of that cocoon and being forced to deal with the world head-on without the buffer of celebrity between us.

awareness of the end of the cocoon makes me sad and anxious.

the thing i've noticed about mini-sodans is that they have no respect of personal space and don't move out of the way when walking. it seems that they even may drift towards you as you move. there seems to be a territorial thing. i don't know.

the accent is hilarious. holy cow, eh?

we're in the "warehouse district"; a bunch of old warehouses converted to condos and businesses just in time for the great depression. instead of 7-11's and donut shops, they have theaters and bars on every corner.

the 2nd storey of the entire downtown is connected by walkways. THAT'S HOW FUCKING COLD IT IS HERE IN THE WINTER, PEOPLE!! and that is why i will not be here for any sort of winter run. there is an entire city on the second storey.

i must get a draft done of the script. i finally have a good idea for something and i now have time. it will be difficult to procrastinate it away... i could probably do it, but it seems foolish.

we're going to try to buy some property in new orleans. wacky.

when my heart mends, i will write about the bukowsical debacle.

speaking of genius. the new tool record is so good. that maynard guy. he has two great bands. fuckhead. how come he's not exalted? or is he? i'm so out of the music loop. do they sell out arenas and stuff? does a perfect circle open for tool? he probably can't sing that, but that would be cool. i'm sure that's talked about on the Tool discussion boards every day. i'm a senior citizen. the band i was in, six angry feet, played on a bill with tool at the coconut teaszer. i remember that he had shirts and all sorts of merchandise for sale. they also drew a crowd. huge. he sang a song about shooting god with a gun. i think. it was really loud and i was really jealous that they drew such a huge crowd, so i didn't stay.

alright. must to leave.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


bridge burned happily. next caller.

Monday, August 07, 2006


i'm totally fucked.

i miss being in edinburgh.

i'm fucked.

i'm reading a bunch of reviews of shows; wishing i was there; wishing i was in that fucking miserable hellhole of american hating, 15 dollar pizza slice, cold then hot then raining the hot but at least it's always uncomfortable and i can't believe we only got 3 stars from the scotsman festival.

i must get the russian bride show together so we can go next year and i can be miserable for a month.

how fucked am i?

completely, my friends, comfuckingpletely.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

sounds of l.a.

i did my first podcast... woohoo...

the sounds of l.a.

i don't think i can listen to it, i was there, after all, and i'm sure i said "like" and "uh" and "um" and "you know" a lot; stuff i hate to hear when others are being interviewed.

if you want to hear me talk about all sorts of stuff, go get it.

it's on itunes, ass well.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

a good walk... spoiled

i've been playing par-3 golf once a week with my grandfather in law, rosie, for the last month or so.

i used to play golf a lot. i got a bit obsessed with it. tonight i went and hit two large buckets of balls. it's fun. it is really fun.

we haven't kept score... officially... but i shoot anywhere from 35-45, depending on just how inconsistent my putting is. i think that's what separates the men from the boys, right?

who cares? it's fun. it gets me out of bed before 7am and I get to hang out with Rosie who is in, it seems, less pain than i am.

and he was shot down and captured by the dirty krauts in wwII!

in other news, bukowsical is going to be totally awesome.

if we ever rehearse.