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Friday, July 20, 2007

I don't remember

the movie channel busts my balls


As a negative person, I think I sorta have to be insulted. "B-Movie Footnote"?


As my old friend Gordon Sumner used to say:

"Truth hurts everyone."

Or, as my old friend Russ Parrish used to say:

"The Truuuuuuth Hurts"

Indeedy doo!

Monday, July 16, 2007


This is the penis who was in front of up at the cemetery screening this saturday. I nearly began a riot after i began yelling at the couple next to me who were on a 1st date and couldn't stop saying "clever" and cute shit during cukoo's nest. My point was that if you're going to in through life as a clueless, self-centered moron, a crazy asshole may start screaming at you & call you & your date stupid cunts.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Two things:

a: Is it cool or horrible that the The Thornbirds 1st record is available for 36 cents on Amazon.com?
2: A friend of mine, David Lawrence, says he earns at least a grand a month from this stupid link. So, I know that there are at least 500,000 people reading this feverdream of a blog. If at least 10 of you add yourselves and use this bar, we could, through the barely legal (hi, keywords!) practice of the shitstain of capitalism: multi-level-marketing, earn tens of dollars.

What the fuck. The album by the band I'm in who I haven't seen in 7 months is selling for 36 cents on Amazon, I'm doing a horror short directed by someone who was 5 years old when summer school came out and I'm hoping that my health plan covers full anesthesia for a colonoscopy within 5 years... It's time for me to get in on MLM, right?


Man, I feel dirty.

At least I'm not a professional poker player, right?

Good point.


Sunday, July 01, 2007

hot chicks with douchebags & my past

Many many many summers ago here in beautiful los angeles, the band U2 were here recording or editing that piece of shit movie or something. No one got laid that summer because every girl at every club was holding on to the dream that U2 would show up and choose them to go home with and end up being what Mister Hewson was ultimately looking for.

I dubbed it "Horrible U2 Summer" and this site is able to replicate the same feelings of disillusion and despair.

The bride and I have been going to the saturday night screenings at the hollywood forever cemetary. It's something I look forward to every year. A couple of weeks ago, they showed Harold y Maude and so many people showed up that there was "line anarchy" and it bummed us out and we left. It used to be BACK IN THE OLD DAYS, SONNY!!!! that the lines would form organically and everyone would cooperate and it was loverly. Now ALL THESE RIFF RAFF HOOLIGANS SHOW UP, SONNY!!!!! and it eats ass in the bad way.

Butt. this past week, we got there right around 5:30 (show begins at sundown... 8:30-9?) and had no problems. They screened roman holiday and I'd never seen it and it ruled. We take a shitload of candy, a ginormous bag of pistachios, bags of carrots, a couple of frescas, a couple of diet cokes, some water, blankets, very short beach chairs, cards to play games in line, ubiquitous video ipod (more later), and sit and hold hands and watch the movies. It sure is nice. Man.

Next week they're showing Fast Times. I'm hopeful that we can go. Haven't seen it in years. So odd to hear the guys running the screening as "Amy Heckerling's Fast Times at Ridgemont High". Dig that possessive credit, peeps!

It got me to thinking... Remember back when t.v. sucked and they used to ruin movies by making t.v. shows out of them? Now movies suck because they're ruining t.v. shows by making movies out of them.

"I hope I get a callback for the part of Jerry in the Seinfeld movie..."

Did spamscam at the Lakeshore Theater in Chicago aka Gateway to the West and had such a tremendous time. Since we're performing the show for money now, we're able to take Aaron along as the tech and pay him and he lugs the suitcase full of gear around, makes all the arrangements with the theater, sets up the gear, the lights, everything and we get to roll in like rockstars and do a quick check and enjoy ourselves.

In the past I would always be scrambling for shit and trying to locate cables and whatnot and the shows were always much more stressful than they needed to be (hi, scotland!). So this will be really terrific.

US Airways began our journey by canceling our flight the day of the flight and not letting me know, so that scared me a bit, but once that was handled, all was well. I'd write more about US Airways, but the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.OT act that you were so happy about 6 years ago prohibits me from making the statements I feel should be made.

1st Amendment indeed!

Speaking of the Bill of Rights...

Speaking of my embarrassing past:

Went to see the worst thing I've ever seen tonight. Fortunately, the grandparents-in-law were tired and we got to leave at half-time.

What a poop.

If you're part of a production and you see someone leaving at half-time, do not ask why someone is leaving unless you are prepared to hear the truth, people.

The corollary is, i suppose, do not tell the truth to someone involved with a production when leaving at half-time unless you are prepared to get flipped off.

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