hello there

Friday, December 30, 2005

liars and thieves

I've discovered that none of the lenders are there to help. It's such a ridiculous process.

When someone aks me how much it will cost for me to code their stupid web site or something like that, I have an amount of money that I think is fair. It's what I'm willing to work for and what I think the other person can afford. It's not really negotiable. I want them to have all of the information so they can either use me or get someone else.

It's like in a store when you look at a jacket, there's a price tag on it. Then you know how much the jacket costs. You don't go to the clerk and aks how much the jacket costs and they say "Well, it depends..."

Yes, I am aware that in the evil fucked up shithole world of lending money to people who want to buy overpriced pieces of shit homes, it's a bit different.

I'm not even going to aks why. It's just how it is. Maybe someday some brave soul will say "Hey, why does it have to be like this?" but i'm too lazy.

But these motherfucking food eaters would leave large amounts of money off of the estimates. I don't want any surprises. I would explain to them what I had.. what i was willing to spend and yet, they think that I can't read the other estimates that are coming in and figure out "oh, hey, they left this fee off the estimate" and then I would add it back on and figure out that the price is nearly the same, give or take literally $50-$100. I told the liar who ended up going with "i may be a moron, but I'm not a complete moron".

I've also realized that friends who want to help you with your loan don't actually give a fuck and they don't know what they're fucking talking about. What they want to do is make themselves feel better about the rape they were subjected to by confusing you and making you feel bad about any decision you're going to make. They just want to make themselves feel better. And they want you to think they are smart.

Every loan person you talk to and every friend who talks to you about loans wants you to understand that if you don't do it their way, you are a fool who is being taken advantage of.

Well, my friends, anyone who is buying a house is being taken advantage of. They are not worth the money. You can not afford them. You will never own the house. Those days are over. Banks own the houses now. You just go from loan to loan. That is what life is now. Drifting ignorantly from loan to loan. So. Fuck you and your bullshit "get a good deal". There is no good deal. You are now in debt for the rest of your life. How is that a good deal?

The tax break.

Suck my tater hole.


I'd had enough of these motherfucking food eaters and aksed the evil sag/aftra loan liar if she could match the loan the asshole at e-loan offered. she said stuff to me that didn't matter to me about shit i don't care about. i just want a small monthly payment. I am a human being. I can't comprehend the future. If we could comprehend the future, we would be depressed all the time because the future only means pain and death. So, whatever is going to happen in the future with this loan doesn't matter because we are fucked. I explained that to her and how I wanted a lower monthly payment and she said "oh, that makes sense". See... she just wanted to show me how fucking smart she was and how stupid i am.

(by the way, the reason i didn't go with the e-loan assmunch is because he
1. is a loan asshole. that's a given.. but definitely worth mentioning.
2. talked really fast when "explaining" his magical rainbow unicorn loan
3. pressured me more than anyone else to "act now".)

I then sent the following email to all of the other shitfucks.

Sorry to bother you. I had to move quickly and had been dealing with my credit union and, as none of this makes sense, and no one is straight with me anyway, I'm going to use them as my lender.

Here's hoping I didn't waste too much of your time.

And yes, I know that I made the wrong decision. Of course.

So, almost all of them, except for joe eloan,
i actually gained some respect for the eloan guy because he didn't beg., wrote back saying "i understand how frustrating it can be, but i am confident I am able to get you a better..."

It never ends. They never want it to end.

Then I get THREE calls from this other motherfucker. I am at work, (behind, because I've been on the phone for literally 2 hours, trying to get a guy out to look at the heating/air among other things,) so I press "ignore" on the phone so it will go to vm, but shitweasel keeps calling so I finally pick up and shitweasel starts talking like he's my best buddy.

I am immediately reminded of that fucking mamet play and get this vision of this poor fuck who has probably been put on notice because he's not a closer sitting in his cubicle with a big 5 written in sharpie on a piece of paper because he has to close 5 loans by the end of the year or he's out on his ass and his wife and kids are forced to move to nevada to start blowing dogs for wine change.

So my best buddy is getting all best buddy on me. This is the guy who has left the most shit off of the estimates, by the way. "how were people not straight with you, man?"

"Well, you've got to be aware that people omit fees to bring down the total.. I just want a straight answer: how much will I have to pay each month. I know i'm never goign to get one. I know that I'm not going to know until I get that first payment slip and it's not going to be less. I guarantee it's not going to be less... right?"

"I'll be straight with you. You're frustrated... What sort of terms were you looking at with your credit union...?"

"I've been dealing with this shit and these fuckers for way too long and the reason i sent that email, which i sent to the shithead at the credit union, too, is so everyone knows that they should fuck off..."

he didn't even pause. he just kept closing. ABC=always be closing

"Yeah, it's a difficult process. My job is to make it easy for you..."

"I'm done. Like I said, I'm sure yours is the best deal ever and I've just made a horrible mistake, but I don't care. You all win and I lose and that's why everyone should fuck off... I'm at work and I'm behind because i've been on the phone for 2 hours. I appreciate that you're still trying to sell me..."

"I hear your frustration and I'm not trying to sell you..."

"Thanks for calling... bye."

And I hung up on him. one tiny, meaningless, miniscule victory as I'm dragged in to the ocean of shit.

Then the sag/aftra person called and, of course, informed me that she couldn't actually give me the rate that she said she could. What a surprise, right? What a fucking surprise.

I said "Of course you can't. Why would i expect anything to stay the same? You win. I lose. Just end this and do whatever you want."

So in a couple of months we'll pay some amount to live in our home. Pride of ownership.

It'll be the best thing we ever did! Think of the tax break!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

this is funny

An email from one of the lenders. I wrote back. "thanks. that makes sense." she replied "glad i could help."


All of our 7/1 ARMS are LIBOR, Treasury or CMT. We don't offer MTA
based for 3/1's through 10/1 ARMs. Although we do offer the 1 Month
MTA which is a Pay Option ARM. Also we can offer a FLEX 3 or FLEX 5
which turns into a Pay Option ARM at the end of the 3 or 5 year fixed
period. Thank you!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

my fucking space my ass

holy fuck i hate myspace.

it loads slowly. it's pointless.

it's perfect for the attention seeking ego driven shitfucks of the world.

i hate, hate, hate it.

use tightcircle or email.

why do i have to log on to see your fucking message?

this is why, because maybe i'll click on an advertisement.

just send me a fucking email. please. just send me an email.

dean at mightycheese dot com

i'll answer it.

don't worry. i really like you. i do. and i really think your funny profile and your picture is really funny and ironic. really. and i'm quite impressed at all the pretty girls who are your friends. and you gals, you sure are pretty and i definitely respect you. i mean, who wouldn't respect you? but yes, you are very hot and sexy but that doesn't mean that i just want to shower your tits with my manchowder... no, of course not... and the 11 pictures you have of yourself drunk in your underwear in the bathroom at the skybar and in the dave matthews band bus... well, i *get* it. you're just playing. deep down, you're just a normal gal who likes to "keep it real".

the pictures of the guys with ironic sideways trucker caps and abs are awesome.

i love the following things:

"you are a looser"
"you make me shutter"
"ur hott, grl"
"your hot"
"your so prity"
a plural with an apostrophe:
"this is me being naughty with the girl's from work!!! (shay, you are horrible! jk, lmao rotfl!!!)"

you know, in spite of what you may think, i am an optimist. i think the world is getting better and better. there is more comfort and beauty for more people and that's really what we're all looking for, right? comfort and beauty... yet, i log on to myspace because someone can't just send me an email for some reason and, after i'm on for nine hours because i am forced to surf from moronic profile to moronic profile like a moth is forced to die by lightbulb, i want everyone on the planet to drown slowly.

and yes, i was in summer school.

i just previewed this. how about a fucking line break or cr? hmm? is that so hard to program you looser? liek, you're web sight definately make me shutter!

Friday, December 23, 2005

never say never

we found a house.


there's a weird, late 70's brady bunch development in north hollywood. it was probably
a) a gated communty and
2) on the edge of the earth
when it was built.

so we found this 3br 2.5 place. it's very brady. very 70's. very blake edwards s.o.b.

suburban, tract, etc. but the price is relatively right (still about 150k over being close to reasonable).

we've begun the hell of the next step.

fuck me in the neck.

in other news, enjoying my gig at skilljam. i'm able to juggle with v.o. stuff so far. i hope it doesn't come to a head, though. the folks i'm working with are very nice and of course, i couldn't say anything bad about them or the place because i've signed documents forbidding that sort of thing...


Sunday, December 11, 2005

somebody stop me

found this house in this weird part of north hollywood. 3br, 2.5 baths. this odd brady bunch development. very late seventies suburban thing. offered 30k less than they want. we'll see how it goes. might not be too bad, but who knows. it's weird. what a weird little stepford area.

it's not too much further away than we are now, but still inconvenient.

it might be a fine place.

i start skilljam tomorrow. hmmm.

the fine folks at sacred fools have given us the green light on "Bukowsical!", the fake backer's audition for the bukowski musical. should be fun. i'll be directing and it's going to run late nights four weeks beginning in march.

that's all.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

mister snickers stamps


mister snickers has stamps now

It's a great world.

A friend gave us the first season of Lost on DVD. I predict our lives have ended for a bit.

Friday, December 09, 2005


apparently, god works in mysterious and convoluted ways.


the lottery & jesus are rarely far apart

the imaginary friend creates mystery to make lives more difficult? i don't get it.

maybe i do. it's so stupid.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


this will be interesting...

the last time i had a day job i was in debt to visa for 2 years worth of groceries and gas and nearly homeless and without any sort of hope of a career.

now i make a fascinating amount of money doing voice overs and have an agent for movies and tv, but i'm going to go back to the 9-5 life at skilljam.com for a little while, at least, working with chilton, who was the art director at iwin.

i told the on-camera agents at cesd today that i'm out of commission for a while. since i haven't booked a commercial in 2 years, i don't think they care much and i can do some of my vo stuff from home and go in early for the rest of it.

i'll be contract for a while doing email stuff... we had lots of cool ideas that we could never execute back at iwin because of the sinking ship thing that was going on.

it might be fun. i know that i'm not accomplishing anything AT ALL now. i'm not writing or using my time well like one thinks they will if they have 24 hours a day free time. i'm so lazy and slothful and now i can be lazy and slothful on someone else's dime.

speaking of dimes... getting ready to shoot the burlesque stuff for lili on sunday. i think it will be fun. david's in for editing along with jessie.

doing the national lampoon radio thing with emery tomorrow. good, offensive fun for all.

jessie has taken the house search on alone. she'll be looking for stuff without me so i don't get "sad".
heh. she has no idea.

that is all.

Monday, December 05, 2005

the pleasure of my company

listened to the pleasure of my company by steve martin and loved it. yes, it's light. yes, the ending is "hollywood". but i get such a sense of steve martin and his depression and his battle to find hope in the future. reminds me of me, i guess, and we narcissists love that shit. even if we can't spell.

speaking of commerce, i'm getting rid of a bunch of books and crap through the magic of amazon.com.

working on the set for the key club show on the 26th. russ sure does write some great songs. man. i want to do a 2 hour show someday and play all the long, epic songs we'd play all the time if we were younger and rehearsed more the way younger guys have time to do.

speaking of bass... been pratising the upright every day. it's amazing how if you do something every day, you get better. i can actually play zac's transcription of whisper not at 110bpm. go figure. and. it sounds pretty good.

chilton's creative director at another games company and i'm thinking of working there as a producer/coder. i am seriously doing nothing now and it might be healthy for me to have a place to go every day and earn some money while doing it. the money continues to rain down from the sky known as geico, but i am so lazy that i don't do anything constructive except for power sleeping.

problems of the west in the 21st century. it's nice.