A tenacious young man named Jeff (IT'S A LIMERICK!) has been trying to get a production of Love Tapes in to a theater in Minneapolis and has been "pestering" me about doing it for quite a while. Jessie would be directing and it would involve me being in Minnesota for 6-8 weeks (showing my john thomas to strangers among other things in the shoe) and generally not being around l.a.
i've been putting him off as he never really had dates or a firm amount of money to offer until recently so i told him i'd do it.
they wanted julie to do it, too, but there is some rule about a percentage of the cast must be local and since there are only 2 people in the shoe then... well...
the bride will be heading there in july to find an actress who had better not be a nut or i will kill myself. bad enough that i'll be in a cold place for the fall. yeesh.
but. the money is good and i think of myself as an actor. so i should go and act. this will probably be the last thing i act in. it'll be nice to go out with a bang. also, i can take an ibook, a mic and my new m-audio ozone and record vo auditions and, if i book one, record in minneapolis which has, he tells me, some good studios, etc.
thornbirds cd #2 will be coming out about the time i get back so maybe we'll have some shoes to play.
if we were 25 we'd be much more on it than we are. we're like that bryan adams song.
speaking of going out with a bang, my headshrinker thinks i should do the summer school thing so i probably will.
i think there will be a day when actors get paid for doing the special commentary. i think they should. i mean, you 4 people who wrote and said i should do it think i'd bring a value to the dvd, right? right?
irregardless, that day is not now. i guess we're doing it for free. richard horvitz is gonna do it as is mark harmon and patrick labyorteaux.
maybe xenu will let kirstie alley do it.
and that's when the scientologists began making dean's life hell.
speaking of hell. i went and redid securityedition.com and something .asp related seems to have exploded so it's all now ugly html. how fucking annoying. balls.
i got a call yesterday from someone who wants to do an interview with me for the special features of the 20th, yes 20th, anniversary of the summer school release.
initially i said yes, but the more i think about it, the less i want to do it. the people who would be interested in anything i have to say about the movie have found me online and i answer the same questions anyway.
the people who don't care, would just notice that i didn't have the career that harmon, kirstie alley, courtney t. smith and patrick labyorteaux have had.
when i see dvd special features with people like me... "gee i wonder why he never..." it bums me out. perhaps because it makes me think of me. hmm.
i guess my ego is too big to do the special feature interview.
maybe i'll just write up a summer school faq and put it up on the site.
a friend suggested that i demand that they shoot me as if i was in witness protection. silhouetted... voice lowered three octaves. that might be a good way to do it...
i've heard nothing from the lady with the dog. amazing how that ruined me for a couple of days. when people are irrational it bums me out and it also bums me out to think that there are people out there who i see at the dog park who will look at me as the guy who kicked the dog.
should've kicked her.
also read for a super low budget movie yesterday where the director was born the year summer school was shot. actually got the call from the guy waiting for the audition.
So, I'm at the dog park with my dog, Big Daddy, and I'm listening to Wilco on my iPod and generally minding my own business as does Big Daddy. She is remarkably like me.
She gets very excited to go to the dog park to be around other dogs but when she gets there, she just wanders around on her own and seems a bit annoyed that the other dogs are there. If we go when there are no dogs, she seems bummed. Sorta like me and people. Okay. Lotsa like me and people.
There are about 10 dogs there, running around and playing. Being dog like.
There are often dog fights at the dog park and on the rare occasion that Big Daddy gets in one, I'm never too concerned because dogs, well, they fight. They're stupid dogs. People get very upset when their dogs are attacked by other dogs, and I get that way, too, but mostly dog fights are just little scrapes where a dog growls, then they wrestle and yelp and the owners pull them apart. The dogs go on their merry ways, almost immediately forgetting that the fight happened. It's the owners who get all stupid. You gotta let it go. The dogs do.
Oh that my dog had gotten in a fight. My life would be so much better right now.
So.... I'm walking along and this pit bull runs up to me and jumps up on me. Now. The first thing I trained Big Daddy NOT to do is jump up on people. And she doesn't. The way you keep a dog from jumping up on you is pushing your knee out and yelling "NO", which is what I did, but the dog jumped higher than my knee and beaned me in the head with its really, really, really hard pitbull head. Since I'm an actor, I managed to get my hand between the dog's head and my face, but the dog's head made contact with my hand which made very intense contact with my mouth.
Within the split seconds, I realized that the dog was a pit bull and that this could be very, very bad. I was scared, pissed and disoriented and the dog was now on the other side of me and coming back at me so I did what anyone would do (I thought) and kicked it really hard so it wouldn't attack me. The dog yelped and ran away. Good.
Walking away, extremely pissed off and assessing myself to see if I was bleeding from my mouth where the dogs head made contact and also looking to see if the dog was coming back for me. It wasn't. I didn't want to have any contact with the owner because:
a. I didn't want to deal with someone apologizing about their stupid dog jumping up on me because I was so pissed that it did. Especially because it was a pit bull. I know most pit bulls are sweet, but it only takes one to fuck up your life.
b. I was so mad that someone would be irresponsible enough to have a Pit Bull running around jumping up on people, especially as there was a little kid there.
Well.. I was in for quite a surprise. I start heading back to my car and I hear someone screaming at me. I pull my headphones out and the lady who owns the dog is screaming at me: "I WANT ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION IN CASE YOU DID ANY DAMAGE TO MY DOG!!!"
Unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable. "Your dog jumped up on me and..."
"I WANT YOUR INFORMATION. YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE. I'M WRITING DOWN YOUR LICENSE PLATE TAG BECAUSE YOU JUST ABUSED AN ANIMAL!!!"
"Your dog jumped up on me and hit me in the fucking head, lady."
"YOU'RE IN A DOG PARK!!!"
"Yes and you shouldn't have a dog who jumps on people."
She pulls out her phone and begins angrily dialing.
"ARE YOU GOING TO STAY AND WAIT FOR THE COPS?!?!"
"My dog doesn't jump on people. I trained my dog not to jump on people."
"YOUR DOG IS OLD!"
"Yeah... and...? What if your dog jumped on that kid over there?"
"THERE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE KIDS HERE!!!"
"Maybe go tell the boy's parent that they should leave so your dog can jump...."
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! YOU DON'T KNOW JUST WHO I AM!??!"
"No, I don't... who are you?"
"I AM AN ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER AND YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!!!"
If I was as fast as I think I am and should be I would've said something about her inability to control her animal. She mentioned something about the dog being a puppy and being in obedience classes and I mentioned something about finding a better obedience class or something.
She kept aksing for my drivers license, which was in my wallet in the car. I call my dog and head out, she gets her boyfriend to try to act tough and follow me out, which he does. I realize he thinks I'm trying to "escape" so I calmly say "I'm gonna write my info down for you."
I put Big Daddy in the car. I found a thing from my vet addressed to my po box and wrote my eFax # on it and gave it to the tough acting boyfriend.
"Can I see your drivers license?"
"No. All the info you need is right there. There's my phone. That's my vet's #. That's where you can contact me."
"You're not going to wait around?"
"No. No I'm not."
And I left. I don't think he wrote down my license plate number because he didn't have a pen.
Why do I feel like I did something wrong and that I'm going to get in trouble?
Oh, I know. Because I'm dealing with an irrational animal person who thinks her dog should be able to jump on people.
I hate musical theater because in the real world, people don't just stand up in public and begin singing their bullshit, self-centered songs. one of the things that is so lovely about our stupid shoe is how that concept is indirectly addressed in the "book" and the music and lyrics. Yours truly attempted to add some more to that with the choreography and staging and how the fine folks in the cast relate to each other and the audience.
These two clips make my black little heart soar. Oh how it soars...
speaking of good one... had a meeting today where i pitched two movie ideas for me to direct and they didn't throw me out of the office. proceeding to the next step where upon i give them written material for them to accept or reject.
they'd heard of bukowsica! and that was weird and cool.
it would be cool for me to direct and jessie to edit. sooner or later, we'll figure out a way to screw up our relationship.
she directed me in not one, but TWO plays. still okay we've lived in houses with only one bathroom - still okay. (the house we bought has 2.5) we both forget our anniversary - still okay.
if we can remain together with me directing and her editing a movie, then we will live forever or something.
but first, we have to get the gig directing/editing the movie.
"mister cart, mister cart... a mister horse is back there looking for you..."
someone put security edition on the gizmodo.com web site and i am now totally sold out of security editions.
if you don't know what the bill of rights - security edition is, click here.
fortunately, a couple weeks ago i ordered a whole bunch more as they seem to be selling quite well again thanks to penn's two mentions on his radio show.
i'm also going to be selling two more 4th amendment products: luggage tags and keychains/dogtags.
the luggage tags will be your basic plastic kind (bright yellow) that you tie around your luggage handle with a card for you to insert your contact info for when the airline sends your bag to guatemala.
this is what the proof looks like:
The keychain/dogtags are etched metal and are really beautiful.
This is what they look like:
(yes, i know there is a space after "cause". It's been fixed.)
Speaking of being a nut, I ordered and received a really cool "no Che" t-shirt. It's really beautiful and I feel so... so... ornery when I wear it. Everyone's so used to seeing really "cool" peeps wearing the sexy Che t-shirts not realizing what a complete dick he was.
Totally a dick.
Speaking of being a dick... I talked to Stuart Fratkin about maybe doing a few podcasts with each other. I've been listening to a bunch of 'em and, frankly, they're pretty worthless. I thought we might just record a big long conversation where we talk about stupid shit we did doing movies and t.v. shows together and then I'd edit the good stuff down to little 10-15 minute podcasts.
If you're one of the 4 people who read this and think that sounds like something you'd be interested in listening to at by for, drop me a line dean at mightcheese dot com.
speaking of great people...
somehow, i stumbled on to "twaintrax.com" the web site of a shania twain tribute band. It's an amazing world. but from there, i found "boogiejunction.com" and found this fellow.
I love him. And I don't mean that in that hipster, ironic way. I love him and how he goes for it. people who go for it should be rewarded. And, like James Watson was rewarded by getting to be on my web page, this guitar player gets to be rewarded by having his photo on my stupid fucking blog.
If you make any sort of fun of him, you are a douche.
He makes money playing music.
Speaking of ironically making fun of almost-rans, I did an interview with retro-crush regarding Bukowsica! which has been extended yet again and there is talk about expanding the show a bit and running it as a mainstage production this fall at Sacred Fools.
He transcribed it from a tape he made of a phone call so some of it seems as if it was put through the alta vista babelfish japanese translator, but you get the gist of what i was going for.
It's always worrisome doing interviews on web sites because many go for the easy laugh and make fun of people like me who had a couple of minutes of near celebrity a long time ago (summer school shot 20 years ago this September) so I try to keep it a close to the vest so I don't come off like a complete moron. Just sort of a moron.
The interviewer, Robert, was very sweet and mentioned my stupid blog and seemed to appreciate the honesty I've fooled everyone into thinking exists here.
Butt seriassly, I do try to be fairly honest about stuff. Seems easier.
So. Soon, I will be recoding securityedition.com for the two new products. I'm also going to add some stuff to deancameron.com and join the turn of the century and make the move to php.
We go to new york for spamscam in a couple of weeks. You should go there and paypal us some money so we can eat while we're there.
Yeah, i'm begging. Eat it.
It'll be neat to be in New York in June. I'll be a walking fourth amendment.
ed aksed if i wanted to go see eric johnson and joe satriani at the wiltern. he had an extra ticket.
i haven't seen eric johnson peform in at least 15 years. i think he's great. i love his songwriting and his playing and attention to detail. his first couple of albums were really influential. i saw him at the roxy a long, long time ago and then again at the wadsworth theater in westwood.
i'd never seen joe satriani except for the dvd of g3. i like flying in a blue dream and always with me always with you and that's about it. but i'm trying to do stuff i wouldn't normally do and leave the house.
as he did in the g3 dvd, ej played a short set. he's a definite guitar geek. he wears his guitar way too high and doesn't move well on stage and is busy pressing pedals and playing intricate stuff while singing. but, like i said, i like him and he doesn't really fit in to the standard model of axe shredder guy and i like that. some of his stuff gets a bit new agey and i'm pretty sure he's "spiritual" and that always sucks.
but, it was a fine shoe and good to see that he's still out there doing records, making money and touring.
eric johnson had a new bass player who i really liked. i've always liked his bass players. they play really simple stuff which enhances the song and occasionally throw in something that makes you think "i really should practice so much more..."
it made me miss playing with the thornbirds and i'm itching to get the record out so we can play again and maybe even tour or play some shoes outside of l.a.
based on the reaction to his entrance, it seems the crowd was there to see joe satriani. it's him, a really good drummer who reminds me of klong, a bass player who looks like any bass player in "all access" magazine. probably 45, long 80's hair, paunchy, jeans and tennis shoes. one of those guys who looks like he works at guitar center and was in a band called Divine Ampage who had a development deal with Capitol but...
then there was another guitar player.
in the g3 dvd's, satrian used loops and samples for guitar and keyboard parts and i'm fine with that because they're just repetitive shit and everyone's there to see satriani practice, i mean play his guitar, anyway, so a loop of power chords or pedaling an e over some progression seems fine to me. but instead of doing that this time, they hired some poor fucker to stand over in the dark with a tiny little amp and play the bonehead backing parts. truly rhythm guitar player time. he wore all black so he blended in to his amp and was never acknowledged by the other guys in the band.
steve vai would bring along mike kenneally or some other great guitar player and would share the stage with him and it added to the show.
satriani and the manager of the simi valley guitar center bass department acted as if this poor fucker wasn't there. and the guy looked like he didn't want to be there either. like he had to drive his own car to the gigs. really really really fucking weird. and, you know, he was playing shit anyone could play, which made the treatment of him make sense on some level but then i kept thinking about steve vai hiring someone who pushed him to play better and it began really bumming me out. i mean, when i wasn't falling asleep.
i was literally falling asleep.
"oh... another solo... oh cool, another ending where he finds a really cool feedback tone and plays with it for way too long... oh, another "unexpected key change"; neat.
i looked around the near capacity audience. everyone was just sitting there. even the people in the front row were sort of bored looking.
or maybe they were just totally blown away by the amazing shredding that satch was laying down.
i don't know. i left before it was over.
i am jaded or something. that or i have taste. or it's just not my cup of shred.
russ can play all that stuff. and it's so fascinating to watch, but it's like watching plate spinning for 2 hours. no one watches plate spinning for two hours except other plate spinners.
i can watch russ do it for about 8 minutes. i think that's about the amount of time he enjoys playing that stuff.
for the life of me, i couldn't remember my username, etc., so i haven't been posting.
i magically figured it out, obviously. hoorah.
bukowsica! is going great guns. i hadn't gone for a couple of weeks and i went last friday and it has gotten better. i have the most rockin' cast. they keep adding stuff to their parts but not shticky crap. they're adding stuff in the good way. the way that fills it for us, the audience, and fills it for them so they keep it fresh and interesting.
they've dropped in to this really wonderful confident mode... a "watch and learn" sort of vibe that I always *try* to go for when I work. They take us on a ride. it is a joy to watch. i'm so proud of the show and so happy that we caught lightning in the bottle.
i had five friends have kids in one week: darren, zero, steven, john and larry. pretty amazing. steven, of course, is the lead in bukowsica! and was cool enough to make sure they had their kid on thursday so he could make the big shoe on friday. when he took the gig, he and his wife had a pow wow about making sure it was cool with her that he would be able to do the show soon after her delivery.
the other good news about bukowsica! is that it looks like we're going to expand it and, perhaps, go mainstage with it this fall. it is a big PERHAPS right now, but it sure seems like it would be foolish not to do it. The shoe has gotten great reviews and has been selling out friday nights at 11pm. imagine if it played during real human hours.
speaking of rock, i finished bass tracks for the thornbirds' cd. somehow, russ had erased leon and don't let it end, so i schlepped out to simi and redid 'em. i did leon in one take and would've gotten don't let it end in one except "tripped" over some strings.
most of the vocals and guitars are completed and it's just a matter of lighting a fire under russ to get it to jim for mixing. i think there are around 20 songs.
how cool would it be for an unknown indie band to release a double album as their 2nd cd?
it would be stupid cool, that's how cool!!!
we're slowly getting stuff fixed in the house. i finally put up the things in our bedroom closet and have some other projects that i'm looking forward to kinda sorta doing within the next week or so.
yesterday, i directed some more burlesque videos for lili von schtupp. it was an early day (6am call) and we had 6 dancers to do and we actually finished a little earlier than we thought we might. jessie is going to edit most of them and lili hopes to sell them online for $2.95 downloads. who knows? i hope it takes off. i like the money and it's fun to be around boobies all day.
we shot at the hudson theater and the guy behind the counter recognized me for SECURITY EDITION!!!!! how cool is that?!?! very cool. that's how cool.
in other news, i started seeing a headshrinker. depression, stress, anxiety and the impending mid-life crisis. i've been looking down the barrel of some weird shit in the past year and it will be nice to talk to someone who isn't a dick.
i had an amazing time trying to find someone. at the very least it's a short film.
speaking of short films... i did two short films with the word "gay" in the title, so between those and the appearance on will y grace, there is a discussion on imdb postulating what i may or may not do with my or others' penes.
that's the kind of spontaneous rumor i need to get ahead!
the line drawn by this immigration "debate" is racist on both sides.
todays "day without immigrants" pre-supposes that us evil rich whiteys don't know or appreciate all levels of society and it also self-stereotypes immigrants as people who only wash dishes, clean houses or strap internal combustion engines to their backs and blow leaves out of our lawns at 6am.
people i know who were lucky enough to be born in this country have said "let them wait for their work visas the way my other friends have done. they can't just come over here and take jobs and services that we pay for!!!"
it's that kind of bullshit gauntlet that makes me hate.
let everyone in. let them leave their shithole countries. we have plenty of room and plenty of money here. if enough of them leave their shithole countries maybe those shithole countries will realize "hey, we've got to stop being shitheads and let our citizens be free like they do in america."
if i knew of a place where i could work and not be persecuted by my government or have to live in filth, i'd pay some shithead all of my savings to sneak me across the border, too.
on the other hand, you commie hippies who marched today (it's may day, you stupid ignorant commie-wanna-bes) might want to think about what a day without microsoft might be like. you wouldn't be able to charge your organic free range grain fed chicken at whole foods. you wouldn't be able to have that peaceful, police protected march for solidarity.
there have been two sides drawn on this subject and there are more than two sides. there are people like me. people who want the borders open. people who understand that there are those who want to be a part of this country. we have so much.
ending racist programs like the drug war and welfare and making social programs private again so they are better funded, administered and less prone to abuse would make our system even better and more attractive and easier to emulate in other countries.